Is it Normal to Struggle as a New Mum?

December 13, 2024

Pregnancy, labour and birth are times when expectant and new parents can be at their most vulnerable. Becoming a new mum is often portrayed as a time of pure joy and fulfilment, filled with precious moments and boundless happiness. However, for many new parents, the reality can be far more complex. Despite societal expectations to be overjoyed, a significant number of them find themselves grappling with feelings of sadness, anxiety, and overwhelm. This emotional disconnect can lead to feelings of guilt and isolation, as they struggle to reconcile their experiences with the blissful image of parenthood they’ve been led to expect. I work with clients who very often ask “is it normal to struggle as a new mum?”, which highlights the importance of acknowledging and addressing these feelings to ensure mental and emotional well-being for everyday people is prioritised and taken care of.

The families that I work with come from all walks of life; struggling with pregnancy, labour, birth and loss can happen to anyone, evidenced in this quote from Beyonce:

“After the C-section, my core felt different. It had been major surgery. Some of your organs are shifted temporarily, and in rare cases, removed temporarily during delivery. I am not sure everyone understands that. I needed time to heal, to recover.”

All-Party Parliamentary Group

On 9th January 2024, the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Birth Trauma launched the first national inquiry in the UK Parliament, titled “Listen to Mums: Ending the Postcode Lottery on Perinatal Care,”to investigate and address birth trauma and the impact on new mums. The inquiry involved seven oral evidence sessions held between 5 February and 18 March 2024 and was supplemented by written submissions from the public. The report was authored by Dr. Kim Thomas, CEO of the Birth Trauma Association, and aimed to develop policy recommendations to reduce birth trauma rates. Dr. Thomas has written extensively on the subject, including two books on birth trauma and postnatal PTSD. In May the BBC reported the findings in the following way:

“An inquiry into traumatic childbirths has called for an overhaul of the UK’s maternity and postnatal care after finding poor care is all-too-frequently tolerated as normal”.

Women and families continually face the challenges of childbirth and deserve the highest standard of care, encompassing both physical and emotional support, especially when complications arise. Unlike visible injuries such as a broken leg, emotional health is often neglected. Trauma is highly subjective, making each experience unique which defies a one-size-fits-all approach. Emergency interventions during childbirth, such as caesarean sections or instrumental support, frequently contribute to traumatic experiences. Families with new-borns requiring neonatal care are particularly in need of emotional support, which should extend to a new mum and partner too. Often, partners feel overlooked, and I work with many due to this oversight.

There has been an increase in my caseload of women experiencing antenatal anxiety, stemming from various factors. These can include previous personal losses, witnessing difficulties faced by friends or family, or having had challenging or traumatic pregnancies, labours, or births in the past. Almost all families I work with experience some form of loss, whether it is the loss of a hoped-for future, the end of a pregnancy, or the ability to take their baby home shortly after birth and the experience they expected.

The Birth Trauma Association’s theme for Birth Trauma Awareness Week this year is of informed consent. They state:

“The Birth Trauma Associa1on is a charity supporting women, and their partners, who have experienced traumatic birth. There are many reasons birth may be traumatic, but a large number of stories we hear contain an element of coercion, in which women say they had a procedure performed on them without their consent, leaving them deeply distressed. This was also a theme of the recent report into birth trauma: Listen to mums: ending the postcode lottery in perinatal care. Many women wrote in to express their upset and anger at having procedures such as vaginal examina1on, rupture of membranes or episiotomy carried out without first being asked. This was par1cularly trauma1c for women who had previously had experience of sexual assault.”

What is Birth Trauma?

Birth trauma refers to the distress experienced by a new mum and/or their partner due to traumatic childbirth. This distress can range from symptoms of intense anxiety to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Approximately 4-5% of women develop PTSD after childbirth, translating to around 25,000-30,000 women annually in the UK. Additionally, around 1% of birth partners experience PTSD from witnessing traumatic births.

Part mental health charity, part campaigning charity, the Birth Trauma Associationwork to support parents and families, and improve parents’ experience of birth – engaging and educating health professionals, and taking part in research to identify failings in maternal care. They believe they were the first charity in the world to support those with birth trauma, and this year – 2024 – sees them celebrate their 20th birthday.

Why is Addressing Birth Trauma Important?

Understanding and addressing birth trauma is crucial for the well-being of both a new mum and their partner. Ensuring informed consent and improving communication and care during childbirth can help prevent traumatic experiences and support recovery for those affected.

What are the Causes and Experiences of Birth Trauma?

As touched on above, various factors can make childbirth traumatic:

Complicated Deliveries: Difficult forceps births, emergency caesarean sections, or postpartum haemorrhages.
Unexpected Situations: Premature births or babies needing special care.
Poor Care and Communication: Neglect, denied pain relief, or procedures performed without consent.

These traumatic experiences can negatively affect relationships with the baby, partners and others, and influence decisions about having more children.

Informed Consent: The Central Theme for Birth Trauma Association

Many traumatic birth stories involve coercion and procedures performed without consent, such as:

Vaginal examinations
Rupture of membranes
Episiotomies

This lack of consent is particularly distressing for women with previous experiences of sexual assault, exacerbating feelings of betrayal and trauma.

Signs and Symptoms of Birth Trauma and Potential Postnatal PTSD

Common symptoms include:

Re-living the Trauma: Flashbacks, nightmares, and physical distress.
Hypervigilance: Panic, irritability, sleep disturbances, and jumpiness.
Avoidance: Keeping busy, avoiding reminders of the trauma, and emotional numbness.
Negative Beliefs and Feelings: Distrust, feelings of unsafety, self-blame, and overwhelming emotions.

Treatment Options

Effective treatments for birth trauma and PTSD include:

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Uses bilateral stimulation to help process traumatic memories.

Trauma-focused Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Helps identify and manage emotions related to trauma and develop coping strategies.

If you are a new mum or partner struggling with any aspect of your pregnancy, labour or birth, then please get in touch to access support.

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